Rip City Revival!!!

Just as the 2006-7 Portland Trailblazers are mathematically eliminated from yet another playoff bid, the 2003-4 PS2 Blazers have just earned a trip to the 2004 NBA Finals.

'It's kind of weird hearing that our real squad didn't make the playoffs,' said 2004 PS2 MVP, Rookie of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year LaMarcus Aldridge, 'but I am just glad I am on the good version of the Blazers.'

The PS2 Blazers defeated the rival PS2 Lakers four games to one in the Western Conference Finals.

'I was intimidated at first,' said Brandon Roy, 'but Kobe hogs it more than in real life. We made fast work of those clowns.'

Mercurial Blazer forward Rasheed Wallace quipped dismissing the Lakers in five games, 'It was a good game. We played hard. The Lakers played on rookie mode.'

Team captain Jarrett Jack, while only averaging 3.2 points per game in the WCF, had plenty to say about the now-vanquished Lakers:

'They weren't hard. Shaq stinks. Kobe stinks. Rick Fox definitely stinks. Rick Fox must be slathering up with some of that stank eastern-European musk Vlade used to use. Seriously, what was that? One part cabbage, two parts roadkill? He knocked into me on a few of those high screens, I'm gonna need to shower twice after coming in contact with that. I'm just gonna let him score next time, it's not worth subjecting my nostrils to those Fox fumes again. I wish we would have won in four, I hope the damage to my nasal passage isn't permanent.'

The Blazers will play the Indiana Pacers for the 2004 PS2 NBA Championship.

Opening Day in PS2 St. Lou!!!

The 2005 version of the PS2 St. Louis Cardinals are at it again. This immortal video game squad is back for their third virtual season because the owner of the franchise has been unwilling to buy the most recent versions of the game.

The starting lineup looks very much like the 2005 Cards lineup, except for rookie shortstopping phenom Oyl Miller. He had a great spring in which he was blessed with perfect create-a-player levels in every aspect of the game.

When asked if his skills were legit by PS2 beat reporter John Canzano, Oyl replied 'Are you kidding, I was first team all-console, I'm gonna make it rain out there.'

The PS2 Cards (6-1, 2nd NL Central) began the season with a flurry of homeruns. Jim Edmonds led the charge with seven homers in his first three games, while batting a scorching .733.

'I just hit the ball. If the owner isn't requiring us to play on the top difficulty levels, that's not my problem. 2005 was a contract year for me, so if I can gain some sort of advantage on a gaming technicality, you bet your ass I will use that,' Edmonds said via his controversial blog.

ROOKIE WATCH:

SS Oyl Miller :: .310, 1 HR, 2 RBI, 5 R