Top Ten Ways to Get the CIA to Investigate
You, Without Ever Breaking the Law

by nate smith

1.  Set up two bank accounts.  Periodically move all your money from one account to the other, and then back again for absolutely no reason.

2.  Purchase different random parts of different types of bombs that don't match up.  Be sure to use a credit card.  When they interrogate you tell them you are an abstract artist and parts are for a sculpture.

3.  When chatting online use words like 'bomb' and 'White House' in the same sentence.  i.e. "It would be the BOMB to be at the WHITE HOUSE."

4.  Grow a beard and wear a turban.

5.  Get a pair of binoculars.  Peer into the White House from afar day after day.  Make sure to switch up your spot.  And constantly write stuff down in a notebook.

6.  Hold a seminar across the lawn from the White House while the President is giving a speech and use a high-powered laser pointer to show your students which guy is the President.

7.  Call in water balloon threats to the white house.  "You're gonna get drenched!"

8.  Have your name legally changed to "Terrorist Guy."

9.  At the next Presidential Election, write in Osama Bin Laden for President.

10.  Start an online magazine and write articles like this.