Ra-Sheeeeeeeed!!!

Comprehensive Tour of North Oregon Beaches

We headed to the coast on Tuesday for an in depth look at what the northern beach towns have to offer.

The first stop was the Otis Café in the heart of Otis, Oregon. There we gorged ourselves on an assortment of breakfast items. If you are the artist responsible for the psychedelic crayon-art in the guest-book at the table nearest the refrigerator, drop me a line!

The best thing to do after eating several pounds of homemade breakfast fare is to immediately find a strenuous physical activity. So we decided to climb the massive dune at the north end of Pacific City. The route we took was not as inherently grueling as the classic straight shot up the center of the dune. We wrapped around the back side and made our way through the thickets and brambles. I decided not to wear shoes and received cuts and scratches from the myriad of thorns.

After the dune we proceeded north to the land of the Cheesemakers; Tillamook. We encountered several locals worshipping the town diety 'Cheesus.' We took the official tour of the Tillamook Cheese making cathedral, where the most remarkable thing we saw was a man near one of the giant vats of cheese wearing a 'beard-net.' We assume Cheesus wouldn't be required to wear one of those.

Seaside was our next stop. At the oceanfront monument of Lewis & Clark we eavesdropped one tourist asking another, 'Why did they stop here?' We stared out at the majestic expanse of shimmering Pacific and wondered what roadblock must have impeded their progress...

In addition to the historical monument, Seaside is also home to a bizzare bingo/skee-ball hybrid called 'Fascination.' Each player (up to 40) sits at an upwardly slanting table with a 5 by 5 grid of holes at the far end. The player rolls a lacross ball up the ramp and waits for the ball to drop into a hole. Once the ball drops into a hole, the corresponding light on the table's scoreboard is illuminated. The first player to light up five in a row wins! Each game lasted no more than a minute and the whole room has this frenzied 'lab rat going for a pellet' feel to it.

Our tour ended in Astoria with a walk up to the house they used in the Goonies, a drive by the school from Kindergarten Cop and a trip up and back the two-mile bridge into Washington. Our tourist points were off the hook at the completion of that day!

Spring Refraining

I miss being on a baseball team. A lot.

The WK12 Ship

I'm always on the lookout for another ship to join. I've made passage on a series of vessels over the past few years, but none of them rang true at my core. They were a way to pass time until I found the ghost ship I was hunting.

Then, two years ago, in the murky underbelly of the information super-highway, I caught glimpse of a massive and submerged vessel. Stormy weather soon hit, and all I could make out was a golden crest; the silhouettes of two pirates. The ship went deeper and left me reeling for clues.

This past year, I abandoned my previous ship and navigated the waters in a rickety lifeboat. My unwavering compass held a direction that I was sure would lead me back to the mysterious submerged craft.

Tracing the origins of the ship's crest, I was able to find the port mailing address of one of the captains. I shipped off a package that included a retelling of the loot I have plundered and exclaiming my overall love of pirating. I expected no response.

In two weeks time I was FedExed a message in a bottle written on fine parchment. The only marking save the silhouetted crest of the two pirates was a date and the address of a tavern at a local port.

On said date, I arrived at the dingy tavern to be examined by the ship's existing crew. They were a lively and oft-bearded bunch that regaled us with tales of cultural pirating, YouTube ads, viral marketing, Nike Air and a place called Brandland.

When the effects of the rum had subsided we were given a brief tour of the ship and were allowed to walk the deck and explore a few of the cabins. I don't know whether these pirates found any of us ready for their brand of plundering, or if they plan to feed us to the sharks for entertainment of the captain.

At any rate, I've signed the ship's manifest and will set sail May 1st. This will serve as the official log of my travels. Should I go missing over the course of my voyage, perhaps my entries will provide clues to my whereabouts.

Affectionately,

XXX